Proxy Bride (The Lindstroms Book 1) Page 13

  She nodded. “Do you get a tree?”

  “Pepper didn’t like the needles, so we didn’t…”

  “You lived together?” She spoke quickly, and Sam could hear the surprise in her voice, and something else. Disappointment. Damn it.

  “Not technically. I kept my apartment.”

  “But you mostly lived with her.” Her voice was soft and unsure, like she was realizing something unpleasant. “You stayed over at her place regularly.”

  He scoffed and licked his lips. He didn’t know what to say. Yes, when they were together, he had slept at Pepper’s place three or four nights a week. It’s just what people do when they’re together. It doesn’t mean anything. But it did mean something to Jenny, and he hated the thought that he was letting her down.

  “I had a key to her place,” he admitted, looking her in the eyes, deciding that honesty was the best course of action. “Yes. I spent a lot of time there.”

  “Oh.” Jenny looked down.

  Sam didn’t know what to say, so he was quiet. Was he proud of his shallow relationship with Pepper? No. But at a certain time and place in Sam’s life, she must have been what he needed. He felt an almost overwhelming urge to comfort Jenny, to reassure her, but he didn’t want to apologize for his life either.

  Finally, he reached his hand toward her, tapping the table in front of her to get her attention. When she looked up, he caught the uncertainty in her glance, so he cocked his head to the side like all the Lindstroms did and offered gently, “It’s in the past, Jen. Feels like a lifetime ago. Who I was with Pepper isn’t who I want to be…that’s why I’m not with her anymore.”

  He watched with wonder as Jenny’s eyes softened and her lips tilted up in a small smile; he knew he’d managed to redeem himself. He also realized, quietly, to himself, that he meant what he said. He wanted to be better than the man who had settled for Pepper Pettway. Sam wanted to be a man worthy of—

  “What about your family?” Jenny asked. “Don’t you see them at Christmas?”

  His heart thumped as he realized where his thoughts were going and felt relieved for the distraction her question offered. He grinned at Jenny, picturing of his family, thinking he’d like to spend more time with them this year, maybe.

  “Sure. I head up to my mom and dad’s on Christmas morning, usually. Sometimes on Christmas Eve. My sister and her husband come with the girls. Muirin and my other brother-in-law will come with Colin this year. The kids make it really fun. Heidi’s a pip, begging for her presents on Christmas Eve—the ones my mom puts under the Christmas tree from her and my dad before Santa comes. But Colleen stays firm. We all have to wait until Christmas morning. Sometimes I try to sneak her one behind Coll’s back, but Heidi cackles with laughter, and I shove it back under the tree before Coll or Mom catch us.”

  “You sound like a great uncle.” She drew circles on the table with her finger. She whispered her next question without looking up. “Do you want kids, Sam?”

  “Someday. With you.” He heard the words come out of his mouth before he could stop them, and his eyes flew open in horror.

  Her head snapped up and her mouth dropped open in a shocked O.

  “Wait. No. I mean…” He rushed to fix his error, tripping over his words. “Like you. Like how you said ‘someday.’ When I asked if you wanted kids, you said ‘someday,’ right? Like that. Like. Like you.”

  He couldn’t tell if she was offended or amused. Her face was impossible to read one way or the other but turning pinker by the second, her blue eyes wider than dinner plates. He could not believe those words had come out of his mouth.

  First the Pepper cohabitation stuff and then this? He could work a whole room in Chicago, leaving with millions of dollars for investments after a slick, witty pitch, every word like a perfectly positioned missile.

  Where exactly was that verbal precision now, Sammy? He knew where. Gone. Somehow stolen by the fresh-faced, blonde, blue-eyed beauty who sat across from him.

  “I-I’m going to go ask Lars about, um, tomorrow’s supper.” She hopped up, leaving him alone to berate himself in blessed peace.

  He stared at the table, shaking his head in disbelief, and only looked up again when the waitress asked what else she could bring.

  The last five minutes of my life back?

  “The check. Now. Please.”

  Chapter 8

  With you.

  With you.

  Jenny wasn’t about to bring it up or ask him about that slip, but she was still reeling from the words: Someday. With you.

  She believed one hundred percent that he had misspoken. His eyes couldn’t have been more horrified and shocked when the words popped out of his mouth. But once they were out, they were out. He couldn’t unsay them, and she couldn’t get them out of her head. She couldn’t stop wondering if there might be a grain of truth to them.

  As they walked in awkward silence toward Arch Park, Jenny couldn’t help but think about what their children might look like. Blond hair like me, or with red highlights like him. They could have blue eyes, or brown…They’d have his long lashes, and they’d be tall, for sure, and maybe—

  “This way, Jen?”

  “Um…yes.”

  She nodded, gesturing to the small park down the street to the right and forcing the lovely, dreamy thoughts from her mind.

  He didn’t mean it, for heaven’s sake! Get a hold of yourself!

  But try as she might, the images were already there. Sam with a redheaded toddler on his shoulders as she walked beside him, holding his hand.

  Dangerous territory, Jen. Don’t forget he’s leaving on Monday.

  She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing away the yearning that threatened to make her eyes water. Thankfully, when she opened them again, they were almost at the park, and she distracted herself with the annual festivities.

  Most of Gardiner turned out for the tree lighting, so the community park was full of holiday cheer. Christmas carols played over a loudspeaker at the bandstand. Red-cheeked children, ready for the “official” start of the Gardiner Christmas season, scurried around merrily, turning their eyes up toward the top of the giant Christmas tree, where a gray star was about to light up their world. A bonfire behind the bandstand scented the air with the smell of burning logs and created a nice spot for hand warming while waiting for the thousands of rainbow-colored twinkle lights to brighten the small park.

  The music suddenly stopped, and the head of the Chamber of Commerce stood up in the little bandstand, which was dwarfed beside the enormous tree. In one hand he held the plug for the lights and in the other a massive extension cord. He welcomed everyone to the Annual Gardiner Tree Lighting and started the countdown.

  “Ten…nine…eight…seven…”

  Jenny stood beside Sam, smiling like a six-year-old, bunching up her shoulders and biting her bottom lip as she kept her gaze fixed on the star at the top of the tree. She felt Sam’s warm, bare hand take hers, and her tummy leapt with a flurry of happiness: for Christmas, for the tree lighting, for the magic of him standing next to her holding her hand.

  “Three…two…one!”

  In an instant, the entire park was twinkling. The music started up again, and the entire crowd broke into a chorus of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” Parents held up small children to take in the full length of the tree, old sweethearts pecked, and new sweethearts…Well, Jenny thought, new sweethearts held hands shyly, looking up at the tree and then at each other with wonder.

  “Merry Christmas, Sam,” she mouthed, smiling up at him, feeling like they were the only two people in the world.

  “Merry Christmas, Jen,” he answered, squeezing her hand and lacing his fingers through hers. They stayed for a few more minutes to enjoy the merriment before Sam asked, “Should I walk you home?”

  With most of the townsfolk still enjoying the caroling, the streets leading back to town were quiet. They were well away from the cacophony of the crowded park when Jenny spoke, holding Sam’s
hand tightly as she walked the balance beam of the curb.

  “I’m thinking pajamas, hot chocolate, and a Christmas movie with Casey.”

  “Sounds cozy,” he said, tugging her hand to pull her closer to him as they walked.

  “I don’t suppose you’d like to…”

  “To what?”

  “Would you like to…um…”

  “Would I like to come over and watch a movie with you?”

  “I mean, if you’re not busy…”

  He chuckled merrily. “I’m not sure I can clear my calendar at this late notice.”

  “You’re a tease.”

  “I can’t help it. I love it. I love teasing you.” He brought their hands to his lips and kissed hers as they walked along.

  A wave of pleasure rippled through her. A memory I want to keep.

  “So that’s a yes?” she asked.

  “I don’t know, Jen. Just you and me in your apartment? Alone? I’m not sure about your intentions. You’re not going to…to take advantage of me, are you? I wouldn’t want the other girls in town to think I go gallivanting around, watching movies willy-nilly with just anyone. Is my virtue safe?”

  “Safer than it was in Chicago.”

  “Phew! Okay. That’s a relief,” he said, swiping at his forehead. “Yes, I will come watch a Christmas movie with you. But you better keep your hands to yourself, Jenny. I mean it.”

  She shook her head back and forth and smiled as they made their way across the bridge. “Sam Kelley…you are an ass.”

  He gasped in mock indignation. “Jenny Lindstrom! A swear word!”

  She giggled beside him. “An animal.”

  “The back end of one.”

  “As you said.”

  “Do you kiss your father with that mouth?”

  “I kissed you with that mouth.”

  He stopped walking beside her, but their hands connected them, and she had to drop his hand or stop and turn back to him. She stopped and turned. He was standing beside the last lamppost on the bridge, leaning against it with his arm outstretched to her. As she approached him in the dim light, she could see his eyes sparkling.

  “No, Jen. I kissed you.” He pulled her closer. “But I’m open to a do-over if you’d like to make good on that claim.”

  He tugged her toward him and pinned the hand he was holding behind her back, eliminating any real distance between them. With her arm held behind her back, her chest was forced forward, and she gasped lightly when his other arm snaked around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest. Trapped in his arms, she tilted her head back to see him. She raised her free hand and waggled it at him, smiling. “What was that about keeping my hands to myself?”

  He grabbed it and pinned it with the other behind her back. His voice was thick and soft. “You won’t need your hands.”

  He leaned his head down toward her, then stopped deliberately, his lips a breath away from hers, closing his eyes, waiting. Her heart was racing, and her breathing was so fast and so ragged, she knew he could feel it hot on his lips every time she exhaled. She could feel his too, see the puffs of white between them as he exhaled.

  Her heart drummed in her chest, making her breathless and hot as she stared at his face. There was nothing she wanted more in the world than to kiss him, but she was scared too. She felt herself falling for him, unable to keep herself from thinking about him, fantasizing about him. She worried about her heart when he was finally gone—for how much she would miss him.

  “Jenny,” he whispered.

  She was so deep in thought, she was almost startled to hear his voice. His eyes were still closed, and she twisted her neck slightly so that her ear was beside his lips, to better hear him.

  “Y-Yes?”

  “Stop thinking,” he said, his warmth breath on her ear making her shudder in his arms.

  She couldn’t have stopped herself even if she wanted to. She closed her eyes and faced him, her lips brushing against his as her neck turned up toward him. Soft and pliant, she nipped his lower lip between hers, kissing it, loving the feeling of being in his arms, of being in control of what was happening between them. He released her hands, moving his to the small of her back, and she raised hers to the nape of his neck, where her cold fingers ran gingerly through the short hairs that curled behind his ears. He groaned, and his lips finally moved, like he couldn’t help himself anymore. He intensified their kiss, his hands on her lower back pushing her closer to his body.

  His tongue pushed gently between her lips, and she sighed into his mouth, touching her tongue to his and marveling at the heat, the satiny heat, of his tongue stroking hers. His hands slid from her back to her hips, his fingers pressing through her coat, and she wished there weren’t so many layers between them. She wished his hands were pulling and pushing her clothes away, finding the soft, untouched skin of her belly. A warm, welcome burst of sensation fanned out from her chest, making her breathless, making her want more of Sam.

  More, more, more…

  She ran her fingers through his hair with more pressure, and he pulled her closer, until the hardness of his body pressed intimately against the softness of hers. Her mind exploded with a hundred wanton wishes, and she instinctively stepped closer to him this time, wanting him to know that despite her innocence, her body was feeling things she’d never felt before.

  But he pulled back from her, whispering her name, a note of warning in his tone. “Jenny.”

  She dropped her hands and turned her head away gently, resting her forehead on his shoulder, feeling relieved and deprived at once. She knew she wasn’t ready for more, but kissing Sam felt so good, so right, she was confused and overwhelmed by feelings and sensations she’d never experienced before. She kept her eyes closed, savoring the shivers of pleasure along her spine. Her insides were in riot; her whole body was electric, like it was suddenly wired for touch, and every nerve ending begged for more.

  She gathered her wits, coming out of the fog of passion, feeling grateful to Sam for stopping their steamy kiss when he did.

  Steady now, Jenny.

  Sam slid his hands back to her lower back and pulled her closer, and she could feel his chest move up and down roughly; she knew if she moved her ear to his heart, the thumping would be deafening. He held her for a while until she felt his hands slacken and his arms loosen around her. She lifted her head to look at him, and he smiled at her, shaking his head in wonder.

  “Now you’ve kissed me with that mouth.”

  She chuckled quietly, surprised by his words, nodding. “So I have.”

  He pulled away from her but reached for her hand as they started walking again. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this…but I think I should go back to my hotel.”

  “Oh.” She felt deflated and confused. She hadn’t seen this coming. Had she done something wrong? Was it possible in her inexperience that she’d misunderstood what was happening between them?

  “Jenny? To be clear, there is nothing I would like more than to come up to your apartment with you. But another kiss like that, and…well, I just don’t trust myself.”

  “Oh!” She understood, and it made her smile. He wasn’t leaving her because he didn’t like her. He was leaving her because he did like her, and—more importantly—because he respected her. It made her heart burst with relief and tenderness.

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked in a soft, heavy voice, drawing her knuckles to his lips to press a kiss against them.

  “Church in the morning. Then…”

  “Then spending the day with me?”

  “Okay.”

  They stopped in a dark corner by her apartment door, and he smiled, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. He took his time pressing his hot lips against her cold skin, leaning into her. She rotated slightly so that her body was flush against his. She felt the rough stubble of his beard on her cheek, the warmth of his skin near her face. She closed her eyes, heart-stirring sensations rising up from her belly, making her want to melt i
nto him and never let go. Her hands were trapped between them, and she flattered them on his chest, marveling at the hard muscles she could feel through his clothes, wondering if she should throw caution to the wind and insist he join her up upstairs, despite his warning.

  “What time should I be at church?” he whispered into her ear, putting his hands on her hips.

  “Nine,” she murmured, feeling her knees weaken.

  “Nine is good.” He found her earlobe with his teeth, teasing it gently and sending surges of tingly pleasure down her neck. She sighed and tilted her head to give him better access to the warm skin of her throat, to be closer to him, closer to the source of her pleasure.

  Oh, my God, this feels good. This feels amazing. More. Please, more.

  “Where’s your church?” he whispered.

  “It’s near…the high school…” She sighed, eyes closed, barely able to concentrate on anything but the touch of his lips trailing fire down her neck.

  “I remember.” He brushed his lips across her skin, his face next to hers, his hands softly molding her hips into him.

  She lifted her face to smile at him, feeling dreamy and needy and still wanting more but knowing it was time to say good night. He took a long look at her face and chuckled softly, dropping his hands from her trembling body. “’Night, Pretty Girl. See you tomorrow.”

  “’Night, Sam.” She turned, walking through the door to her apartment, and when she looked back once more, he was gone.

  ***

  Casey was quick to do her business, thank goodness, and Jenny was glad to change out of her fancy clothes and into her comfy pajamas, warm inside for the night. She sat on the loveseat with a sleeping Casey curled up in her lap, her body and mind a jumble of sweet confusion.

  On the one hand, her body felt taut, like that humming guitar string she imagined connecting her to Sam. She had never felt so desired, so wanted, so alive. But she also felt frustrated, unrequited, hot in places she barely allowed herself to think about. She touched her lips with her fingers, searching for the imprint of Sam’s lips on hers. In twenty-four years, she had never felt anything close to the awakening she felt tonight. It was exciting and terrifying all at once, and she yearned for more.